Penelope House, DA Keith Blackwood Urge Domestic Violence Education to Help Break the Cycle

MOBILE, Ala. — Domestic violence often starts quietly, with controlling behavior, name-calling or isolation, before it escalates. Penelope House domestic violence advocates and Mobile County District Attorney Keith Blackwood are urging the community to learn the warning signs and reach out for help, whether someone is experiencing abuse or worried about a person they love.

Advocates and prosecutors say education is one of the most effective tools for interrupting abuse before it becomes dangerous, and that it should start early. Penelope House, the Mobile-based domestic violence organization, offers prevention lessons for students from pre-K through high school.

The message comes as October, observed nationally as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, draws to a close.

Abuse is not always physical

Ross Scott, outreach coordinator with Penelope House, said many people picture domestic violence only as physical harm, but abuse can take many forms. Warning signs can include a partner monitoring someone’s phone, isolating that person from family and friends, or making the person feel responsible for the abuse.

“Domestic violence is something that looks different for everybody,” Scott said. “But one thing we know for sure is it gets worse over time. It will continue to get worse until that person is able to get out of that relationship safely.”

Advocates commonly describe several patterns that may signal an abusive relationship. Among them:

• Checking or controlling a partner’s phone, social media, email or location
• Cutting a partner off from family, friends, work or other support
• Name-calling, constant criticism, humiliation or threats
• Controlling money, housing, transportation or access to basic needs
• Extreme jealousy or accusations of cheating
• Blaming the partner for the abuse or for the abuser’s anger
• Threats to harm the partner, children, pets or themselves
• Pushing, grabbing, hitting, choking or any other physical violence

Scott said recognizing these behaviors early can help people understand what is happening and seek support before the situation escalates.

Teaching children what healthy looks like

Penelope House’s prevention education reaches students across age levels, from pre-K classrooms to high school. Scott said that kind of education can help children recognize unhealthy behavior, especially children who have seen abuse at home and may otherwise come to see it as normal.

Prevention lessons of this kind typically focus on age-appropriate topics, such as respecting boundaries, managing emotions, identifying safe adults and, for older students, recognizing the signs of unhealthy dating relationships. Teaching young people what respectful relationships look like is widely viewed by advocates as a way to reduce the chances that abuse will repeat in the next generation.

What prosecutors see every day

Blackwood said his office sees the effects of domestic violence daily. Some victims, he said, feel trapped or depend on an abuser for housing, groceries or financial support. Those circumstances can make it difficult to leave a relationship, and difficult to continue with a prosecution once charges are filed.

“The impacts of domestic violence are, they can be horrific,” Blackwood said. He added that abuse can escalate to “the worst of the worst scenario where someone loses a life.”

Domestic violence cases present particular challenges for prosecutors because victims are often closely tied to the accused through children, shared homes or finances. Fear of retaliation, economic dependence and emotional attachment can all affect whether a victim is willing or able to testify. Advocates and victim service officers often work alongside prosecutors to connect victims with safety planning, shelter and other support while a case moves through court.

How common it is

Domestic violence is far more widespread than many people realize. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that more than one in three women and more than one in six men in the United States have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetimes.

The problem touches every community in south Alabama. Earlier this month, Mobile County Sheriff Paul Burch said domestic violence calls make up a large share of his deputies’ workload in Prichard. And on Oct. 25, Penelope House supporters gathered at Medal of Honor Park in Mobile for the organization’s Domestic Violence Awareness Walk, wearing purple, the color associated with the cause.

Leaving can take more than one try

One of the most important things friends and family can understand, Scott said, is that leaving an abusive relationship is rarely a single, simple decision.

“It takes average of five to seven times for somebody to be able to leave safely and stay gone,” Scott said.

For that reason, he encourages loved ones to listen without judgment and keep the lines of communication open, even if the person returns to the relationship. Advocates say that pressuring, criticizing or cutting off contact can deepen the isolation an abuser may already be creating.

Ways friends and family can help include:

• Listen without judgment and believe what the person tells you
• Let the person know the abuse is not his or her fault
• Stay in touch, even if the person is not ready to leave
• Share information about crisis lines and services, and offer to help make a call
• Respect the person’s decisions, since the individual knows best when it is safe to act
• Call 911 if you witness violence or believe someone is in immediate danger

Blackwood said community members who witness violence should call law enforcement.

It is okay to call before you are ready

Scott said people experiencing abuse do not have to have a plan, or be ready to leave, before contacting Penelope House. Reaching out to talk through options is welcome at any stage.

Penelope House’s 24-hour crisis line is 251-342-8994. The organization says the line provides counseling, information and referrals. Domestic violence advocates can also help people build a safety plan, a personalized set of steps for staying safer while in a relationship, while preparing to leave or after leaving.

Where to get help

• Immediate danger: Call 911
• Penelope House 24-hour crisis line: 251-342-8994
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788

Advocates note that people who are concerned their phone or computer may be monitored should use a device the abuser cannot access when seeking help, and can clear browsing history after visiting websites about domestic violence.