Retirement is a gift I have earned and intend to enjoy. That was the plan, anyway, after looking forward to it for 20 years. Now that I’m here, it has proven to be somewhat of a challenge as well as a blessing — and the challenge surprised me more than the blessing did.
The years just before I retired took a heavy toll. In the last seven years I have lost one of my closest friends, other friends, my beloved mother and father, almost all of my aunts and uncles, and the parents of the friends I grew up with. Seven of my dogs and two of my horses have crossed the rainbow bridge. A multitude of my chickens have been killed by predators. I have had my share of losses, and I carried all of it into what was supposed to be the easy chapter.
From a Farm to a Fairhope Subdivision
I moved from a farm in central Alabama — green space, animals, responsibilities, a life with structure built in — to a subdivision in Fairhope, and found myself in uncharted waters, sometimes drowning. “Wherever you go, there you are” is one of my favorite quotes, and it took on new meaning. It isn’t the scenery that makes life wonderful; it’s me that makes my life wonderful. I found myself staring at a blank canvas on which I could create the life I now choose to live. My time was all mine.
That is where my education in retirement truly began, with my first challenge: getting out of bed each morning and finding something to do. I no longer had responsibilities that demanded my time beyond feeding my dogs and keeping doctor’s appointments. I felt myself getting lazy… and lonely.
I chose Fairhope thoughtfully. It is an arts community with many learning opportunities, and writing and painting were important to me. I started painting again after twenty years on sabbatical and, much to my surprise, my paintings were nothing like what I saw in my head. I started writing, but found Netflix far more interesting. I signed up for a multitude of lessons to figure out what to do with my time: golf, pickleball, writing, art, gardening and card activities. In the beginning, I still felt unmotivated. It’s hard to walk onto a pickleball court and ask to play, especially when you have no skills. Golf is the same. Art groups were by invitation only. So instead of forging forward, I expanded my TV apps.
Putting the Pieces Together
Life in Fairhope had to be created from scratch, just like any program or business model I had built in my working life. I began to envision all the pieces of this grand puzzle of retirement and started putting them together, piece by piece. Insecurities (and Netflix) be gone.
What I discovered is that Fairhope is full of wonderful people — bright, fun-loving, kind and interesting — and that the doors only open once you start moving. So here is my advice for loving retirement, so far:
Get off the couch, turn off the TV, and start making an effort. Whatever it is that you always wanted to do or do better but thought it was too late — just go for it. Take classes and meet people who are starting or continuing their adventures with sports, cards, cooking, dancing, writing, painting. Get your momentum going.
Join a church, a club, groups with similar interests. Some will work out and some will not; be grateful for the ones that do and keep exploring. Get involved. Be yourself without reservation about what others will think — it is so easy to make good friends that way. Birds of a feather will flock to you.
Volunteer somewhere doing something that has meaning to you. Be appreciated. And give yourself moments of reflection and sadness about all that is gone. Sometimes you just need a good cry. It’s OK. Appreciate special moments and recognize contentment. Don’t let your personal opinions or insecurities stop you from making friends, participating in something new, or being happy.
There are so many wonderful people here in Fairhope who are bright, fun-loving, kind and interesting, and so many opportunities to achieve my heart’s every desire. I just had to get through the first steps and start the momentum for those doors to open. If you’re standing where I stood — new town, blank calendar, heavy heart — the puzzle is solvable. One piece at a time.
Adventures in Retirement is a series exploring retirement through one writer’s experiences in Fairhope and the surrounding area.